Two words, that can mean different things. So close…

Before the game we stopped by NFL GameDay and they were recording, we were on TV and we know it because you could see the Bengals flag we were waving, lol. Kurt Warner came over to give autographs, I was so close I could have simply reached out and touched him. Instead I took a selfie with him in the background.

They had all kinds of great activities set up outside the stadium and even had the Vince Lombardi (Super Bowl Trophy) set up in a case and you could get so close to it that you could touch the glass case that it was in.

I sat front row in the end zone of a Super Bowl that the Cincinnati Bengals played in. My seats were so close the the action.

Our seats were just above sweets where Usher, The Weekend and other celebrities watched the game. We were so close we could see what they were doing on their phones.

One of the people we were with had an Orange Bengals flag they dropped over the edge where we were sitting and each time an extra point or field goal was made you could see the flag. I was so close to being on tv several times.

And of course, my beloved Cincinnati Bengals were so close to winning their First Super Bowl…

As you can see, how those two words are used can greatly impact your reaction. Most of what I listed brought me back to memories where I smiled and laughed. But that last one, not so much.

I wrestled with how much to share, but ultimately I know people are going to ask. The experience was absolutely amazing. SoFi Stadium is incredible! The energy from Bengals fans all weekend was fun to experience. The friends we were with made the whole thing amazing. Even the game itself was exciting to watch. It was so close to being perfect!

As the game wore down in the 4th quarter we just didn’t make enough plays to win the game. We were so close. I was so close from experiencing the euphoria of watching the Bengals win their First Super Bowl. So close to soaking in everything that would go with it, the confetti, the jubilation of the players, the trophy presentation, all of it. Sadly it wasn’t meant to be.

As Joe Burrow desperately tried to make a play as he was being sacked by one of the best defenders to arguably play the game my emotions quickly shifted. Just moments before that play I was excited, expectant and in all honestly as nervous as I’ve ever been watching a football game. Then the ball hit the turf and all hope was gone. We failed to gain 1 yard in 3 plays to extend the drive. That last heroic effort by Joe Burrow was so close to extending the drive.

When the ball hit the turf and it was all over a rush of emotions came over me. Anger, frustration, disappointment, numbness, just to name a few.

It’s easy to point fingers at the officiating, and yes I agree they really didn’t call it both ways in the last 2 minutes. If you’re going to let them play, let both teams play. If you are going to start calling it close at the end, do it both ways. But the reality is we still had a chance and we just didn’t get it done, we were so close.

All that to say, what a ride. It was a great season, but the way it ended hurts. I hate how much it hurts. Again I’m reminded that I take a football game way too serious. I’ve been in a haze for days now. It’s painful to think about, which is sad because the experience was amazing. The blessing of all the people that helped make this dream happen, the way the doors opened for me to be able to go I’m eternally grateful. I really am. But, it was so close to being perfect, so close to being even more than I could have ever imagined.

I’ve been asked if it was worth going. Was it worth the expense, because at the end of the day it was still expensive to go even with my ticket being purchased for me. My answer is a resounding YES! BUT… It sure would have been even more worth it had we won.

At some point I’ll move on. At some point the emotional haze I feel will dissipate. At some point this game will be in the rearview and the future of this team will get me excited again. At some point I will be able to truly look back and reflect on the whole experience. It just isn’t right now. I am still too close to that final play and the feeling of what if, and could have.

Most people won’t understand why a football game has such and impact on me. Some might even say it shouldn’t have such an impact on me. Others might be in the same boat I am in. I guess the best example I can think of at the moment is planning your dream outdoor wedding, but on the day of the wedding it storms and rains all day. Does that mean the wedding was ruined or that it changes how you feel about each other? Of course not, but it sure would have made the wedding more enjoyable and maybe even more fulfilling had it worked out to be a beautiful, picture perfect 75 degree day, just like you planned.

So today the game will roll around in my head. All the missed plays, all the missed calls, all the questions that come with a typical football game. Tonight as I try to go to sleep I’ll wonder how different I would be, the city would be had we found a way to win. I’ll wonder if I’ll ever get to see the Bengals play in another Super Bowl and win one before my time on this earth is over. I’ll wake up in the middle of the night thinking about that last play and if Joe Burrow just had another second and was able to hit Chase down the sideline, who was wide open and wonder how that would have felt.

Maybe tomorrow I’ll begin to move on and begin to lift the haze. But right now, I’m so close to the game, to the moment of defeat that I can’t celebrate the good. I can only live in what could have been. But there will be a day when I’m not so close and my despair will turn into hope. And when that day comes, it will be a New Dey!

Ever wonder why we have dreams? Not the kind when you are sleeping, but the kind where you want something to happen. Growing up I dreamed of playing in the NBA, I loved playing basketball. Deep down I knew it wasn’t going to happen, partly because I didn’t work at it like you need to, but mostly because I knew I wasn’t good enough. My son dreams about being rich, but there is probably some of that dream in all of us (the reality is most of us are rich, but this isn’t that blog).

In the Bible you read about dreams that God gives, but they are specifically to impact His people for His Kingdom. I’m not talking about those kind of dreams either. Again, it’s about those things you find yourself longing for and wanting. It could be a spouse, kids, house, a specific kind of car, that kind of thing. I have a dream car, it’s a mid 80’s Porsche 911 convertible. I’ll likely never own it because it’s about $100,000 to own one and it’s not a very practical everyday driver.

What are your dreams? What things do you find yourself longing for? What is that you find yourself, after all these years wanting? What would it mean for something you’ve thought about, dreamt about, to come to pass? What if someone helped make it happen? What if you were one of the people that helped others fulfill their dreams?

There is something really interesting about the kind of dreams I am talking about… They can actually come true! And sometimes it isn’t you that makes it happen for yourself. I’m sure you’ve seen videos of kids buying their Dad the car he always wanted, or a wedding that was exactly what the bride had dreamt about her whole life. Well this kind of thing is happening for me right now!

Most people who know me, know how much I LOVE the Bengals. I wrote about this last week (you can read it here). Well a lot has happened since then, doors have opened that we have decided to walk through and luckily we can walk through. But in the process there were a lot of things that had to happen. Bear with me as I begin to explain.

To go to a Super Bowl you have to have a lot of money or a lot of luck and sometimes a bit of both. I mentioned last week that to get a seat in the top row of the top bowl of the Super Bowl it’s about $5,000 plus fees and taxes, which then comes out to be around $6,500. This of course doesn’t account for the airfare that is 4 times the cost and the hotels that are quadrupled in price. So as you can see the average fan can’t really afford to go, or at least I can’t anyway.

Well that is when God began to open a few doors in my favor and I’ve often said God often uses people, and this is true in my case. Thursday afternoon (2/3/22) I received a text from a family member that they wanted to help me fulfill a childhood dream and offered to give me money to help pay for my Super Bowl ticket! I couldn’t believe the text, I even asked “are you serious!” I teared up, no I’m not kidding.

But I still needed other doors to open to make this dream come true. First off it’s difficult to buy just one Super Bowl ticket, they like to sell them in pairs. Well I don’t have the money to buy two Super Bowl tickets so I needed someone else to go with me. I have a few friends and actually we were talking about flying out to LA anyway in hopes that ticket prices would drop right before kick off, but they couldn’t swing the $6,500 for a top row, top section seat. So I was still stuck.

We had hopes that as season ticket holders we would be drawn in the raffle to buy Super Bowl tickets at face value, but that hadn’t happened. Then one of my friends had a friend who was picked in the lottery, but he was trying to recoup some money since he had already purchased tickets and was selling them for the same $6,000 price point as everyone else. That small hope we had was gone.

Then God opened another door. On Friday afternoon (2/4/22) one of the friends we were going to LA with was picked by the Bengals to purchase Super Bowl tickets! But you can only buy two and there was 6-8 people going on the trip and 4-5 of those wanted to go to the game. But wouldn’t you know it another person in the group was picked as well so now we had 4 tickets for 5 people, and one of the 5 decided it was in their best interest not to go, so the door was wide open… 4 tickets for 4 people and luckily for me I was offered an opportunity to purchase one. Again, God had used another person to help me fulfill a dream!

I was ecstatic!!! But shortly after that there was yet another challenge. What we didn’t know was when you are picked to purchase Super Bowl tickets at face value you don’t get to pick the seats. Meaning they tell you the cost of the ticket and you aren’t even sure where the seats will be. I guess by the time “we” were picked to purchase face value Super Bowl tickets they only had the expensive option left.

I had seen other Bengals fans take screen shots of them checking out to purchase their tickets, that we all assumed were upper bowl of the stadium and those were still going for $1,500. I think we all had a number in mind when “we” were picked to purchase tickets. Well it wasn’t the number I had in mind, lol. This posed a problem, but not for me because I was offered enough money to cover what this ticket would cost because of the generous gift of a family member.

Well after a few hours of discussion it was decided that indeed we were going to the Super Bowl! Based on the price of the tickets we guessed we might actually be in one of the end zones in the section below the upper bowl, but we wouldn’t really know for a few days. But I didn’t care if we had to stand in the aisle, I was going to see my Bengals play in a Super Bowl!!!

Now this just gets plain crazy. Like ridiculously crazy. Like I can’t believe it crazy. Like I couldn’t even image crazy. Like I couldn’t hardly sleep the night we learned this crazy. It’s so crazy when I read the text my only reply was “REALLY!” I texted something like “REALLY” 3 times and finally had to call, because I needed to make sure he wasn’t kidding.

Our guess of being in the end zone was right, we were. Not only are we in the end zone, but we are in the lower section of the stadium, in the end zone. Not only are we in the lower section, in the end zone, but we are in the dead center of the end zone in the lower section. It’s almost too good to be true!

But it gets even better than that. It’s so much better that it never crossed my mind as a possibility. It’s so good that it truly feels too good to be true. It’s so unbelievable that even though we have the tickets that say it, I truly won’t believe it until we are sitting the seats!

Not only are we in the end zone, in the middle of the lower section, WE ARE IN THE FIRST ROW!

Even after I typed that I paused and looked at it for several seconds… I am still in disbelief.

My wife and kids (and the group) have been joking around that the 4 of us could be on TV several times throughout the game. I guess that is cool, but I don’t care about any of that. I only care that I get to see the Bengals play in a Super Bowl that many, including me, believe they can win.

My dream of watching the Bengals play in a Super Bowl is well known. To be honest I thought maybe in a few years we would have a team that could be competitive enough to contend. Maybe part of me thought I’d have time to save and prepare for it, I don’t know. But that time is now and I wasn’t financially prepared, but God helped me find a way and He used other people to help make it happen. I don’t think I’ll ever to be able to put into words how grateful I am for the financial blessing to get there and the person who allowed me to purchase one of their two tickets to go. Without the help of others and the unwavering support of my wife (who doesn’t even get to go to the game), the fulfillment of this dream simply wouldn’t have happened.

I’ll close with this…

I like to say “I’m living the dream, but it isn’t mine, it’s better!” Never in all my wildest dream about going to see the Super Bowl did I ever think about where I would sit to watch that game, but I can tell you this. It wasn’t in the front row of an end zone.

When we win the Super Bowl on Sunday and the dream is 100% complete, and if they happen to pan the cameras to our section, in the middle of the end zone, in the front row. Well, you’ll likely see a red headed grown man in a Bengals shirt crying like a baby.

This dream that is being fulfilled is so much better than the one I could have thought of. I’m grateful that I get to experience it and grateful for those that have helped me get there. I know not everyone gets to live their dreams and I am going to do everything in my power to enjoy every stinking second of this one.

And while I’m doing it I’ll be yelling lots of “Who Deys” and “We Dem.”

Then shortly after the final seconds tick off the clock I hope to be yelling, with whatever voice I have left, the Cincinnati Bengals are Super Bowl Champs!

And even then I likely be thinking “this is all a dream.”

WHO DEY!

For as long as I’ve been a fan I’ve dreamed of watching the Bengals make a playoff run to the Super Bowl and being there in person when they win it. I’ve joked for years about mortgaging the house, going in as much debt as needed to go. Well after a 31 year drought that time is now!

I knew Super Bowl tickets would be expensive. I certainly didn’t expect to spend $250 and see a Super Bowl, but I’ll be honest, I had no idea they would be $5,000 before all the taxes and fees. It saddens me and upsets me that the average fan, the fans that support them throughout the year(s) can’t afford to go the most important game of the year. Instead it’s basically reserved for the those that simply go because it’s arguably the biggest game in sports each year. They go because it’s the place to be. They go because, well they can afford to go.

Ever since I was 13 (read more about that here) a game and a team turned into a passion. I’ll admit, that passion at times has probably been unhealthy, but a passion nonetheless. Over 33 years I’ve followed and my obsession for them has grown. I’ve taken more than my share of criticism for loving the Bengals so much. I’ve often said “you can’t help who you fall in love with.” I believe that is true and this is certainly an example of it. But, what a time to love them!

The last several weeks will be weeks I’ll remember fondly. Bengals fans from the past have come back to the bandwagon in unprecedented fashion. People who mocked me for loving them, now are rooting for them. The city of Cincinnati has gone Bengals crazy, so much so it’s difficult to find Bengals apparel anywhere.

As I reflect on the 33 years of my fandom, I’d hate to know how many hours I’ve invested watching games, reading articles, watching videos, losing sleep (seriously) and the sheer mental energy I’ve spent on the Bengals. Not to mention all the frustration and anger I’ve allowed a football game to inflict on me. Over the years when I wasn’t able to watch the Bengals on TV when they were playing I’ve gone to tremendous lengths to make sure I had no idea what was or what did happen so that I could watch it as though it was live. I’ve had a very high percentage of success!

I do remember one Christmas Eve when we play the Denver Broncos and we had friends over. We never turned on the tv, I turned off my phone and when they left I began putting together Christmas gifts for the kids and began to watch the game. It was a close game and we tied it at the end of the 4th quarter, or so I thought. We missed the extra point to tie, we had found yet another way to lose a football game. I was so upset that I had the thought “screw Christmas and these gifts.” I was upset, angry and to be honest I really could have cared less about putting the rest of those gifts together. All over a football game.

I’ve prayed I wouldn’t care as much. I’ve tried not to get emotional. I don’t want to be this invested in a game. But I’ve come to the conclusion that I have this passion for a reason. The highs are high and the lows are low. I think there are similarities to life in this. The challenge is to not allow them to swing you too far in either direction. But I also have learned over the years to understand, to appreciate and to take in all the moments along the way. To just sit in the moment, to look around, to allow yourself to feel all the emotion and understand that God put happiness and joy in our lives. I believe we are created to feel things deeply, now does that mean we are to put all of those emotions in a game? Of course not, but it doesn’t mean we can’t or shouldn’t feel them either.

I love the Bengals… I know a lot of people can’t understand or grasp it, but that’s OK. I don’t need you too. It’s my love, not yours. I probably care too much, spend too much time, money and energy on them. I’m OK with it.

I’m also lucky enough to have a wife that understands my passion and love for them. I’m not sure she completely gets it either, but she completely supports it. I think my kids know how much I love them too. I mean after all they often crawl in front of the TV if the Bengals are on so they don’t block my view. I know that is crazy, but I never asked them to do it, they just started doing it. I’m not sure if that says a lot about them or me, lol.

All this brings to be what is about to happen 10 days from this writing… My beloved Bengals are playing in Super Bowl 56. There is so much to be excited about with this team, most notably a lot of people believe we could have multiple chances to compete for a Super Bowl. But if there is one thing I’ve learned in life it’s nothing is guaranteed so we have to take advantage of the opportunities we have. I’m not just talking about the Bengals here, this true in life. When a door is opened that you’ve been waiting for, walk through it! Don’t assume another door is coming.

And here in lies the problem… The door is here. The door is opened. But that door is really, really expensive. Like stupid expensive. I’ve spent less on cars. It’s an amount that if invested could almost double before I retire. An amount that could continue to improve our 60 year old home that we’ve lived in for 22 years. Could help pay for my kids college expenses. Could do so much good for so many deserving organizations. Could be donated to our church to continue the work God is doing.

But it could also be used to fulfill a dream. A dream I’ve had since I was child…

Not all dreams come true and there is no guarantee we will win. But there aren’t any guarantees in life (except one, the love of Jesus, His word, His Spirit and His promises).

So will I go? Doubtful…

Who knows what the next 10 days will bring. There aren’t any plans being made to go see my Bengals win the Super Bowl in person. But, who knows. Maybe I’ll give myself an opportunity to go in the event ticket prices drop to a place that is worth the risk. Maybe I’ll do what I can do.

Although I don’t believe God cares about who wins a football game, I do believe he loves His kids. I do believe He enjoys watching His kids celebrate, just like we like to see our kids do the same. I also understand when the game is over there will be people celebrating and others mourning. I also believe God cares just as much about those mourning as He does about those celebrating. God is close to the brokenhearted.

So, maybe I’ll do what I can do just in case… Just in case God provides an opportunity to purchase a ticket at a “discounted price.” A price that makes sense to our family to fulfill a childhood dream. And if not, well I guess I’ll have to hope that opportunity presents itself again. But even if it doesn’t I’ll enjoy this ride. I’ll take it all in. I’ll let myself feel all the emotions. I’ll cherish the memories I have created and the excitement of the city.

Maybe I’ll get to experience part of the dream. The dream of calling the Cincinnati Bengals Super Bowl Champs!

Then when we drive by Paul Brown Stadium, instead of saying to my kids “there is the home of the future Super Bowl Champs.” I’ll be able to say with pride, excitement with the memories of this year “there IS the home of the Super Bowl Champs.”

I’m just a pastor and these are simply my thoughts during this unprecedented and uncertain time.

God has blessed me with the opportunity to serve as a Lead Pastor of a small church in Blue Ash, Ohio. We are lucky enough to have staff, a building we lease and people that seem to love the church God has allowed me to lead. We truly have a church full of fantastic people and I’m so honored to be their pastor.

It’s been the better part of a week since life as we knew it truly began to change. It started with the schools closing for 3 weeks and asking students to do work at home and it came with ordnance of no meetings of more than 100 people. Churches were exempt from this, but we decided to do our part and protect people and moved church online for those 3 weeks as well.

As you know, things continue to change as the days pass and it looks like 3 weeks will not be sufficient for schools or churches. We are working hard to adjust to these times as a family (of 6) as well as a church. Our goal is not only to provide hope and point people to Jesus during this time in creative ways but also how we can love and serve our church and our community.

I love the early adaptions we have made and the things we have coming up, but I also know this is uncharted territory for all of us. As the leader, with a great team of people, we are prayerfully working on how to make the best decisions with the information we have. But that doesn’t just apply to us, that applies to everyone.

As I’ve watched and observed I’m noticing a disturbing trend. One I know likely isn’t intended but is happening none the less. I understand some people have more information than others, but regardless of the information, we are all trying to make the best decision with the information we have.

We have a daughter who has asthma, so our approach is likely more on the conservative side than others, but as a pastor, I know God has called me to love and serve. I’m still venturing out, not carelessly, but lovingly. I’m not looking for “atta boys,” but I know there isn’t a better opportunity to tell, and more importantly show, people how I (as a follower of Jesus) can be the hands and feet of Jesus.

Quick sidebar… This isn’t a blanket statement. This is a prayerful statement. If you are a follower of Jesus, you need to be wise and pray and ask Jesus what He would have you do. I’m not saying all followers of Jesus should be venturing out.

Here are my thoughts and the real reason for this longer than expected blog post…

Now, more than ever, I feel the weight of responsibility. I know this isn’t my church, but God’s church. I also know that God has, for whatever reason, put me as the head shepherd of His church in Blue Ash that I’m honored to lead. My job is to work hand in hand with Jesus in what He wants us to be and do. I feel like that is not only important for you to hear, but to truly know.

However, there is the undeniable flesh piece of all of it. I am a broken man, that by the grace and mercy of God, has saved me. In my flesh, I find myself in constant thought and prayer about how to best lead.

Here is what I mean… How can we best express and show love to the people that call our church home? How can we also express and show love to our community? How can we come alongside our community leaders and support them? How can we come along other churches to be one church instead of individual churches? How can I best use my time in the ever-changing “new normal?” How do I best leverage the staff God has given us during this time? How can I lead my family well during this? How can I model my steadfast faith in Jesus in a way that is authentic, vulnerable and honest? How do I share my worries and fears as they come up? How do we balance wisdom in protecting our families and faith in putting ourselves in harm’s way to love and serve others?

These are just a few of my thoughts… And when I slow down long enough to think of our first responders, grocery employees, truck drivers, delivery drivers, factory workers, small business owners, nurses, doctors, those working the front desk of every ER, and doctors office, other spiritual leaders, government officials, those working tirelessly to find a cure and so many more I haven’t even mentioned. Well, I find comfort that they too are doing the best they can with the information they have.

The reality is this will have an impact well beyond what we know today. There will be many small businesses that financially do not make it to the other side of this. Additionally, there will be many small churches that will fall into that same category. As a small church ourselves, we aren’t exempt from that possibility. The weight of that on the leaders of small businesses and churches isn’t something you can explain, it’s something you have to live to understand.

As a pastor, at least for me, I swing back and forth to thinking it’s all up to me and back to the other side of God isn’t surprised and is in control. Often times I live right smack dap in the middle.

But here is my point in all of this, if you are still reading…

All of us are dealing with something. All of us have stresses that have or will surface. None of us know exactly what it is like to walk in their shoes, we only know what our shoes feel like. Just yesterday I was at the post office and a young lady (yes I am now old enough to refer to someone as a young lady) was returning something because her husband just lost her job. She went on to say that she is returning everything they bought for their vacation they had to cancel, their first one in 20 years of marriage. It broke my heart. There is nothing to say to that other than “I’m sorry.”

Look I know we are all dealing with something and it isn’t about if what I am dealing with is “more important” than what you are. God doesn’t look at our challenges and concerns that way. He loves us all and gives us all attention. He never puts us in a line of an order of “importance.”

So that gives us a choice to make. Nobody is exempt from this choice, but sadly the trend I’m seeing (as I referenced at the beginning) isn’t’ a choice I hope you make after reading this. But in order to make this choice we have to understand that we are all in this thing together.

This choice may not be what you think either. This blog isn’t about staying home, although I do believe it is one of the most caring, loving, selfless things you can do. This choice is even more practical. It’s treating people with grace and love.

I know your frustrated because there are some people who are hoarding basic things we all need. I know these seemingly daily ordinances have impacted your family in ways I don’t understand. I know you had to cancel your travel plans (us too!). I know the future is uncertain. I know you didn’t sign up to homeschool your kids. I know I haven’t listed all the things to be frustrated about…

But what I also know is, everybody is facing today the best way they know-how.  I know we can all decide right now, to treat every person with love and grace. I know we can read a comment on social media we do not agree with and choose not to say anything. I know instead of complaining about the latest update from the Governor taking up too much time, we can choose to be grateful that we have the ability to have a real-time update.

And when someone has a cart full of toilet paper instead of judging them, making a passive-aggressive comment or confronting them, we can choose to think “I wonder what organization they are donating that too.”

Your behavior doesn’t dictate how I treat you. I do not deserve God’s love and yet He gives it to me, outlandishly.  It’s remarkable. No matter how many times I mess up, He continues to pour out His mercy, grace and unmerited love.

If you don’t have what you need, ask for it. Most people are willing to help, most people want to help. You’d probably help someone who needed it right? Then don’t take the blessing away from someone who wants to help you.

The point is… We can choose to treat people with love and grace. As a matter of fact, Jesus boiled it all down to two simple things. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind and soul and love your neighbor (which is everyone) as yourself.

Seriously… Love your neighbor. And if you don’t know Jesus personally I’d love to introduce you to Him.

Loving you from afar,

Andy Rainey

P.S. If there is anything I might be able to do for you please let me know. If I can pray for you I’d be honored too as well (andy [at] blueashcc.com). 

 

My earliest memories of my Dad were playing golf, camping, scaring each other, Saturday morning biscuits and gravy, and bringing him lunch in the summer while he worked a second job painting houses.

My Dad picked up golf later in life, but it seemed as if he leveraged as much time as he could to get on a golf course. He would bring me along to ride and drive the cart and I’d chip and putt around the greens. I vividly remember getting so burnt onetime that my arms blistered. Before you begin to judge, this is when sunscreen was SPF 4, 6 or 8 and they hadn’t yet invented the easy apply aerosol.

For several summers both my Dad and I worked at the same golf course, a little 9 hole course on the same property that we would camp every weekend and eventually move too. Dad was club champion several years in a row and I was lucky enough to win once myself. Keep in mind we weren’t scratch golfers, thank goodness for handicaps.

I remember those years the best, playing golf with Dad. I remember the first time I beat him when I was 15, I shot 43. My Dad never hit the ball far, but he hit it straight and his short game was solid. It’s because of Dad that I have the love of golf.

My Dad at 60 years old would outwork me, he just never stopped, he was always doing something. When he would come visit he would ask for a list of things to do and no matter how long that list was, he would have it done in a few days.

He never missed a day of work in 35 years… Let that sink in a minute…

I never doubted his love for me, or my siblings. I knew he worked hard to provide for us, but it wasn’t until God blessed me with a family that I realized how hard he actually worked.

What does any of this have to do with Grieving, Mourning and Loss?

To Grieve means to experience great distress.

To Mourn means to show deep sorrow, feel regret or sadness.

To experience Loss is a bit more vague. Loss can come in the form of numbness, disbelief, shock, and figuring out “new normal.” Among many other forms.

Yesterday, May 21st around 8:30AM I received a call you never want to receive, but one I had been expecting for days. The caller ID read Mom and I knew what it meant, I answered and I heard the words “Dad passed around 8:30 this morning.”

I was surprisingly emotionless at that moment and my concern was for my Mom and what she needed. As I was hanging up with her, my brother was calling on the other line and still I didn’t have much emotion. Then as I told my wife, the tears flowed.

Death I’m learning, no matter how much you think you’re ready for it, you aren’t.

My Dad was 90 and the last several years you could see life was getting the best of him. He was one of the most selfless men I’ve ever known, so much so he would forgo a project at home for a project for someone else.

As I look how God created me I see Dads personality, his quick-wittedness, the affectionate way he loved Mom and his quick to anger. He was a red head after all.

I find myself experiencing Grief, Mourning and Loss at different times of the day.

My Grief or my distress is more about what the next few weeks bring, than about Dad.

My Mourning is sadness… Sadness that Dad won’t be sitting poolside during the Rainey get togethers. Sadness Dad won’t be around to see my kids graduate High School, get married or have kids.

The Loss is what I’m experiencing most… No longer will I be able to hug, kiss or sit next to Dad. I’ve lost that ability in the flesh to do so. I have lost the ability to talk to Dad on the phone as we talk about how great the weather is in Florida and how he is keeping himself busy.

Although I’m experience Grief, Mourning and Loss I am at peace.

Philippians 4:7 says; “the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

I believe I am experiencing that peace… I felt it wash over me as I hung up that phone. It doesn’t mean I am not emotional at times, it simply means I am not disturbed that Dad has gone on to meet Jesus. Right now Dad is experience what we speculate this side of heaven. Dad is in a paradise that scripture tells us “no eye has seen, no ear has heard, no heart or mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love Him.

I had 42+ year with my Dad… I know the impact he has had on my life and as I look at my kids I not only ask myself the question; how many years do I have with them? I ask the question; will my life have an impact on them, like Dad had on mine?

As I think about the days ahead I’m hopeful and excited.

I’ve already experienced how God has used this time for good. I had 3 or 4 great days with my Mom and siblings while visiting my Dad in the hospital. I was able to spend Mothers Day with my Mom for the first time in probably 25 years. I feel closer to my brother and sister because of this and my heart for my Mom has expanded.

I’m seeing the good, I’m experiencing the blessings of the family Mom and Dad created. I believe we will be closer because of this.

I know there will be tough days. I know the year of “firsts” will be difficult at times. I know there will be times I will wish Dad was around. But I know I will get to see him again.

A little over a week ago I played in a golf scramble, just hours after I received the call that Dad fell and was in the hospital and the outlook wasn’t good. As I looked over the first putt on that first hole I was reminded of how Dad introduced me to the game and his solid short game. I said a silent prayer as I stood over the 25′ putt, stroked it and watched it fall dead center of the cup. I didn’t make that putt, Dad did.

Dad, start working on that golf game because when we see each other again I’m coming after you.

Until the last few months I didn’t fully understand what a sabbatical really was. I understood pastors took them, but it wasn’t something that I ever considered or thought to plan for, and yet here we are. As I’ve read articles and books about Sabbaticals I’ve come to the realization that they not only need to be something pastors look at, but also plan for.

I like this definition of a sabbatical out of the book A Sabbatical Primer for Pastors. Sabbatical – A time of purposeful ceasing, resting and planned refreshment, with a spiritual renewal component or emphasis.

With that as our definition, let me provide a bit of the why behind my sabbatical.

Sometime in the spring of this year I started to notice I didn’t have the drive I’ve always had, I started to notice the things I would typically attack on my todo list took twice as long and the biggest thing I noticed was environments that typically gave me life, didn’t.

I told myself I was probably tired and just needed some rest and disconnection and I knew my summer lined itself up to have some time off with our first beach vacation in over 7 years. In addition there were going to be several Sundays where I didn’t have to teach. That time came and went as we turned the calendar toward school starting I knew something else was going on, but I didn’t know what.

Before I go further it is important to say nothing in my life has or had been going wrong or headed in the wrong direction. The church is in a good place and continues to head in the right direction. My kids are doing well and my marriage is in a good place, but personally something was not right.

Once I realized I didn’t get refreshed like I was hoping, I let my wife know, I let our Pastoral Advisory Counsel know and I sought counseling, specifically a christian counselor who works with pastors.

A member of the Pastoral Advisory Counsel (PAC) recommended a sabbatical almost immediately, but I was resistant. Not because I was worried about the church, but because I was worried what people would think. That realization told me something wasn’t quite right with me. Even knowing that I resisted and I let the PAC know I wanted to wait to see what the counselor recommended before I made any decisions.

To my surprise my counselor recommended a 4-6 week sabbatical as the best approach to refresh me and allow time to gain new skills to help prevent returning to this state in the future. Once I let the PAC know they went to work to discuss if, when and how a sabbatical might work.

They returned after conversations with the recommendation and approval for a 40 Day Sabbatical staring October 5th and ending on November 13th.

I’ll be honest and say I’m more excited about November 13th than I am October 5th. I’m excited to return to my role as good or better than ever. I feel confident the plan my counselor has recommended will be personally challenging, but also refreshing.

I want to answer one question that seems to surface as I’ve talked about my sabbatical. I am not asking questions about my calling. I know I am still called to ministry. Additionally I am not asking the question if God is calling me somewhere else. I know I am still called to pastor Blue Ash Community Church.

Lastly I covet your prayers. I’m hopeful and expecting God to speak during this time away. I’m hopeful to be available to my family who has often drawn the short end of the stick the last 9+ years in ministry, and I’m hopeful I will return back to the man I was or a much better version of that man. Not just for the sake of the church God has allowed me to be apart of, but more importantly for the family God has blessed me with.

Thank you for your love and support to me and my family. Thank you for respecting my time in the next 40 days to FULLY disengage from my duties. I look forward to Nov 13th and seeing you all again.

Until I return thanks for the prayers.

-Rainey

What is Love? Can you define it? Do you know it when you see it? Can you feel it? Can you receive it? Can you reject it? Can you give it? Can you make someone love? Can you chose to love? Can you do something to stop it?

As a Christ Follower I know I will be judged by this word love. I can’t escape the words in scripture where Jesus tells us all the law and prophets hang on Loving God and Loving Others. In order to do that well I must first understand what Love is. Not how I define it, not how I want to experience it, not how I see it, feel it, sense it or touch it. It isn’t about my definition or the definition of others that I will be judged on, but on the one who created it. So how does scripture define Love?

The definition won’t surprise many of us even if you aren’t a Christ Follower. If you have ever attended a wedding you have likely heard the definition, it comes right out of scripture in a letter written by the Apostle Paul to a church.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (The Message)

Love never gives up.

Love cares more for others than for self.

Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.

Love doesn’t strut,

Doesn’t have a swelled head,

Doesn’t force itself on others,

Isn’t always “me first,”

Doesn’t fly off the handle,

Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,

Doesn’t revel when others grovel,

Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,

Puts up with anything,

Trusts God always,

Always looks for the best,

Never looks back,

But keeps going to the end.

I think it’s important to spend a few sentences talking about what this doesn’t mean. It doesn’t mean we turn our head, ignore what is happening to us or the ones we love, to allow people to take advantage of us or to put up with unloving people.

If those things are happening to us we are to create boundaries to protect ourselves from harm, to have difficult conversations with the person who is inflicting the harm so they understand how they are hurting you and in some cases love requires we create distance from those people and limit our exposure to them.

What this does mean…

Love Never Gives Up! God never gives up on us, never! He always waits for us to turn to Him, He is constantly on the lookout for us to see Him for who He is. We then are called to do the same. Never Giving Up looks a bit different. For some it isn’t healthy to reengage with people, but we can pray they experience the love of the Father and that He does a work in them to experience and give love. Never Giving Up doesn’t mean we accept what they are doing, saying, etc. It doesn’t mean we continue to associate with them in many cases, it simply means we hope and pray they experience and give love.

Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. Love doesn’t strut, Doesn’t have a swelled head, Doesn’t force itself on others, Isn’t always “me first,”

This is a hard one… How do we care for others more than ourself? As a parent this is easy as it relates to my kids. As a husband I get it. As a human this is hard… This is where we have to wrestle with a different question. Can we chose love? What if it is as easy as choosing to love someone more than myself? I mean I can chose to put the needs of someone else above mine. I can chose not to lust or envy what I don’t have. I can chose not to “strut” or believe I am right (swelled head). I can chose not to force my ideas, my goals, my passions, my beliefs and my will on you. I can chose you will be first, not me. When I think about it that way, then I can chose to be loving. The choice is actually mine, I have the power to do so. As I Christ Follower I even have a helper (Holy Spirit – John 14:26) that can help me love well.

Love doesn’t fly off the handle, Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, Doesn’t revel when others grovel, Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,

Love doesn’t fly off the handle… Keeps their actions, which includes their words, behavior and body language in check.

Love doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, doesn’t revel when others grovel… We don’t remind people when they are wrong, we don’t keep a tally and keep bringing it up. Our actions, our words, behavior and body language communicate love and nothing but.

This doesn’t mean we can’t experience hurt and pain. However it does mean when those things happen we ask the question “How should love respond?” Is it loving to throw back insults? To remind them off what they’ve done in the past? To “throw stones back.” I don’t think that is what Jesus had in mind. When someone hurts you with their words, actions and/or behavior we could chose to let them know how those things affected you, how you received them. If they do not ask for forgiveness we are allowed (a choice) to simply remove ourselves from the conversation, environment, etc.

Love puts up with anything,

The Greek word used here means to cover closely, generally to bear up under. In other words Love covers these weaknesses and mistakes and never demands justice, judgment, or revenge.  In other words, loving couples quickly dismiss and disregard the negative happenings in the relationship as well as the unfavorable characteristics of one another.  Instead, love chooses to focus on the positive and good.

We can look for the good or the bad, but we will find what we are looking for.

Love trusts God always, Always looks for the best, Never looks back, But keeps going to the end.

In the end our choices reflect our trust in God. Will we look for the best, will we keep looking back to the past and will we keep going day in and day out, moment by moment and chose love or self?

For those that hear this and are making the argument that this is reserved for married couples let me provide you with the first Three verses to provide the context.

1 Corinthians 13:1-3 (The Message)

If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing. If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.

So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.

As I sit here this morning and look at my life through this lens I know I am not where I want to be. I know that the fear of the unknown only reflects in my lack of trust in the one that does know. I also know I’m learning how to chose to trust Him (Jesus) more and more, but only while I chose Love.

So I ask you… What is your default choice? Love or self? Love or fear? Love or hate? Love or misguided thoughts, words, behaviors or actions? What would those closest to you say is your default? What does your life reflect when you look back with the true definition of a life lived with love as defined in scripture?

What do your conversations about others reveal? What do your text messages communicate? What would your spouse say, your kids say, your parents or your friends? What if Jesus was scrolling through your social media, would it promote love? Are the comments you make, the questions you ask done out of love? What about the pictures or videos you post? What about the words you use? The stories you share?

These are difficult questions, but what is even more difficult is asking them of ourselves. If you find yourself justifying some of the things you do, then you likely have your answer. If you find yourself saying “yea but,” then you likely know your default. If you are upset with me, I’d challenge you to pray about it. Ask God about it. Ask Him to speak into your life.

If you are asking a different type of question, one that sounds more like “Then how do I lovingly stand up for myself and/or others in love?” This my friend is a great question, this is one that reflects the love of others God is seeking. This is worth the wrestle and with every answer you come up with you can ask a few other questions. If I did ____ how would others receive it? Would it reflect love or my agenda? Would I honor God with this response? What do I think would happen and is that outcome a loving, building outcome that points people to love and God?

I’ve learned over the years that sometimes the best response to someone who is unloving is with loving questions.

Here is what I know… I have work to do in my life, I am not perfect. I also know when my time here is done I want to hear Jesus say to me “well done.” I already know the question I have to answer, “how well did I love God and love others?”

How does your life reflect that answer? If you don’t like the answer the good news is you can start today and make different choices. The better news is there is one that is willing and ready to help you and that person is Jesus Christ. If you want to know more about that helper I’d be honored to talk to you, simply email me (rainey at blueashcc.com) and I’ll help in anyway I can.

In the meantime lets all decide at this moment to chose love and see what happens in us and how God can use that to impact those around us.

 

-Rainey

I’m wrong…

God has been stirring something in me for a few months now, at times a get a glimpse of it, but I can’t quite figure it out. It’s like one of those posters you look at and somehow you have to look through the picture to see the image. That is what the last few months have been for me. At times I start to see the picture and then it goes away.

Today I again felt a familiar feeling of the past months so I decided to take sometime to just clear my mind and read my Bible. I saw more of the picture today… God is revealing something and it’s both beautiful and hard.

The beauty isn’t in the creation, but the creator. My younger kids will often draw me pictures and give them to me, but at 6 and 4 they aren’t going to be displayed in the greatest art museums in the world, but it’s who made the pictures that make them beautiful. I love them and no matter if they spent 2 minutes or 2 hours on it I can’t throw them away… Seriously I can’t get myself to do it. I’d have boxes of half colored papers if it weren’t for my wife saving me from myself. We get this principle in life, except when it comes to us and others… I was convicted of that this morning… I’m wrong.

The hard part of the picture God is revealing is the change that needs to happen in me. I’m in a season where I see God working, but find myself frustrated. God often takes the long way around and more than ever I want to take the shortest route. What I’m learning is when I take the short route I miss out on so many other things.

The long route is often the more scenic route, it often allows for more conversations to be had, it likely allows you to think more, calm yourself down if you are upset and can even add to the excitement of getting to the destination. The short route although much quicker is often bland in it’s scenery, not to mention it can become about the destination and not the journey.

The hard part of the picture God is revealing is the work that still needs to be done in me… I’m wrong. I want bigger and better for my life and the areas of life I get to lead for the Kingdom. For whatever reason God wants slower and more developed. Both come with challenges…

I like to manage the chaos, to have way more to do than I can get done, but God is revealing to me that I’m wrong. He wants more character, more of Him, more development, more challenge and so much more than I can imagine.

I’m wrong… It is easy for me to look out of my lens and see all the judgement others have, all the attitude others have, all the negativity on social media, all the self doubt, all the bad, all the woe is me in the world, all the hatred, all the opinionated people, all the depressed, the fearful, the anxiety ridden, the struggling and the sad and wonder what is wrong with them.

I’m wrong… God is showing me that those observations, those frustrations, those things that drive me crazy are a burden He is/has put in me. My disdain for the past few months of social media isn’t about them at all, it’s about me. I’m wrong.

The School shootings, the tragedy in Orlando, the airport shooting, the suicide bombers, the acts of hatred, the bullying, the jealousy, the envy, the pride and the things we do that we hate aren’t about them, they aren’t about those people, they aren’t even about him or her… They are about you, or in my case me. You see I’m wrong…

Until I can truly have my heart broken for people I can’t truly love people… If my heart doesn’t break for them, then I am likely to judge them… If my heart doesn’t break for them then it becomes harder to love them… If my heart doesn’t break for them, I am more likely to gossip about them… If my heart doesn’t break for them, it is almost impossible to serve them with a pure heart.

I’m wrong… I hate to say it, I hate to see it, I hate to admit it… I’m wrong.

Today is a Kairos moment for me… God has revealed how wrong I am. God has shown me that the burden I carry is one that can break my heart. My prayer is that when I see the brokenness in people my heart will break. Because at the end of the day it simply means they truly don’t know what they are missing, they truly don’t see the beauty in the creator, they are missing out on what God is capable of, they do not know how much they are loved, if we/they could just open our lives to Him and look beyond what we see with our own eyes.

Imagine seeing a picture from the creator that is more than meets the eye. Imagine seeing the creator behind every creation… The broken, lost people that we don’t understand, that we do not like, that we try to avoid, that we judge and gossip about and seeing the potential. The potential is walking with confidence that the creator of it all hasn’t made a mistake and we all have something beautiful to offer the Kingdom of God.

God never throws away a piece of His creation, He never gives up on His creation, He always sees the creation for what it is, even if it’s current state looks nothing like the original design. God, in the only way God can, gives beauty instead of ashes… No matter how much I try I can’t, but I can allow the creator to transform me and accept what He has for me… What if you did that?

What if you allowed God to give you what you were always created to do and be… It would be a beautiful picture of the creator, no matter how hard it would be to see.

Personally I believe if we all did that you too would say… I’m wrong.

 

-Rainey

In February we turn 3 years old as a church and we are in a season of exploring. In the past 3 years we have seen our church grow with each year,. In the past 3 years we have seen God open up doors with the city and we’ve had the pleasure of serving alongside of them. In the past 3 years we have seen people get baptized, children have been dedicated and people are coming and/or returning to church who haven’t ever been or haven’t attended in a long time. In the past 3 years we have seen God move, seen people restored and families serving together. It’s been a great 3 years!

However we find ourselves at a bit of a crossroads and we believe it is this season we need to explore… Our hope, our mission is to be REAL People, who serve a REAL God, for a REAL Change. God is the change agent and we want to serve and love each one another and we believe the best way to do that is to get to know them, through relationships.

All that to say this… We are praying. Yes praying… For 40 Days we have decided to pray and see where God would have us go and who God would have us serve.

Why 40 Days? In Numbers 13 God gives Moses instructions to send out a team to explore the land that He is giving to the Israelites. The are given very specific instructions in Numbers 13:18-20 and then in verse 25 we read; “At the end of 40 Days they returned from exploring the land.” We believe God is calling us to “explore the land” and come back to give a report. We believe God honors those that seek Him and we believe that God will honor our prayers for His direction for His church.

Why now? Our current meeting space has it’s limits. One of which is the Childrens rooms we have. We currently serve about 50 kids and we are simply out of room, which makes it difficult to grow. In our adult space we could open up a wall and add more seats for adults, but in doing so we eliminate one of the Childrens rooms that we need, so that option isn’t the best… So we are praying.

One point of emphasis. This isn’t about simply getting bigger, it’s about reaching more people so they too can experience what we have experienced the past 3 years. We believe every number has a story, every story has a name and every name matters to God. We want to have room for people to invite their friends, family, neighbors and co-workers to church and we believe our current location isn’t the best location to do that.

What does this mean for you? We covet your prayers as well… We have created an email 40days@blueashcc.com for you to email us what you believe God is saying to you over the next 40 Days. We will compile these emails, pray over them and see if there is a theme that God is revealing. We will not read these emails until the 40 Days has ended on November 27th. We will seek God for wisdom and share with Blue Ash Community Church where we believe God is leading us.

We don’t want to be the best church we can be, we want to be the best church God has called us to be… Will you join us in the exploration? If so please email us at 40days@blueashcc.com with what you hear/see in your prayer exploration of BACC’s next season of ministry.

We are excited about what God is doing in our church and we can’t wait to hear and see where God is leading us.

Thanks so much for reading and helping us explore the land though prayer.

-Andy Rainey

I know like most of my jokes the title wasn’t that funny… But now you are singing Stop Hammer Time in your head, so mission accomplished.

Speaking of mission… How about that for a segue… In less than 48 hours I will be leaving with a team from Blue Ash Community Church to Haiti to serve with Back2Back Ministries. This  will be my 2nd trip to Haiti and I am beyond excited, more so than I have been for any other trip. Why? Not sure…

Although I have much excitement there is also some nervousness… This trip feels different and I’m not sure why. Maybe God is going to do something big in me, maybe God is going to do something big in someone else, maybe God is going to something big in the team or maybe is just going to use us all to be models of Him and serve until we are completely physically, emotionally and spiritually exhausted. I don’t know…

Why does that make me nervous? Well this is my 10th mission trip and almost without exception there is apart of me that dies when I go… Apart of me that I thought I liked about myself, only to realize it was a pretty selfish part of me or a pretty hurtful part of me… But there is a new birth that happens as well, something that God starts to grow in me, something God reveals to me, something I’ve had in me all along but have been too afraid to walk in or too hesitant to believe.

It’s exciting, scary and unbelievably life giving… This is why I believe everyone should go on a trip. Back2Back is an amazing ministry that knows who they are and what they are called to do. They work you really hard physically, emotionally and spiritually. We always and I mean ALWAYS go down with a servants heart, ready to do whatever they need us to do. It is a week where we literally put our wants aside for the greater good of the Kingdom and it ALWAYS has you wondering why we can’t live like that the other 358 days of the year.

This trip I’ve felt more attacked than on trips past… In the last week we have had a sink clogged, a van door that opens and shuts (still) for no apparent reason, a hot water heater leak, a daughter pushing every boundary known and this is on top of several unexpected expenses in the last 2 weeks leading up to this. I’ve been on a emotional and spiritual roller coaster and that is just me… Other people on the team have experienced their own challenges.

So as I spend my remaining few hours at home I find my mind drifting to what I will leave behind and even now as I sit in Starbuck I find myself fighting the tears. I have an amazing wife that “gets it”. What I mean by that is she is my biggest fan, my encourager and I wouldn’t want to do life with anyone else. She “gets” what ministry is and what it costs and is alway there to offer more, I have no idea where she gets her strength and selflessness. It’s more difficult than she knows to leave her behind when I so badly want her by my side to have the experience I’m about to have.

I have 4 great kids that somehow I already miss… As much as my kids can drive me crazy (we have 4 so it’s a lot of crazy at our house) I love them to pieces… I’m going to miss being aggravated and annoyed because of the constant fighting, complaining and crying that happens… And I’m not just talking about the kids, just ask my wife. She would tell you we have 5 kids :o)

So as we embark on this journey please be prayerful for me and the team. We hope to provide daily blog posts for everyone to keep up with what is going on. You will be able to follow along on my Facebook page or the Blue Ash Community Church Facebook page. Be praying for safe travels, for safety in a dangerous country, for spiritual, emotional and physical strength and especially for all the family members left behind to pick up the slack for those serving in Haiti.

I’m grateful for all of you and your prayer… Until next week.

 

-Rainey